I digress, for all the old 'ducks' out there going through menopause. Yes it drove me mad and this led to meditation knocking at the door.

Meditating through menopause? (No Hormone Replacement Therapy required, horse wee, forget it) Some thing or really it was no thing that lead me to meditating. I say that, as I was totally not for meditating. Waste of time and so on. What a load of bunk I had been conditioned to.

All the way I was laughing inside, how the children would tip toe, have some sort of hushed movements about them when mum was in the lotus position.

Something stopped resisting this idiotic calm crazy spontaneity and seemed to follow along. Most annoying was, the incompatibility with alcohol. Stopped drinking much to my disgust. Anti social in that climate not to partake in the beverage. The 'grogg' was incompatible with this clear still suddenness. What was happening!

As the ancients have passed along leaving trails of wisdom, it was not 'me' that was meditating, it just seemed or appeared to be happening. Very strange.

Investigating this quiet sight, I seemed to look at the thousands of thoughts that would invade my mind the moment I woke up in the morning.

The daughters name is Grace) led me to Oshos' ABC of enlightenment. I thought it was some Chinese sage ramblings so was hooked on these books regardless of finding out it was 'that sex guru guy that's dead! I didn't realize he changed his name to Osho or I would not have begun!)

Never understood that stuff, yet it resonated and one word led 'me' to fall into universal bliss-ness. Showering flowering or whatever, I forget now. It was an experience. 'I' had died, something shifted.

Plot goes on. A wish to have sat with Osho after reading all that was transcribed, sounded like missing out on actually meeting him.

Finally here I was in the presence of 'Osho' called 'Sailor' Bob Adamson. He felt like home. I was home. All those suitcase loads full of books that I was drawn too, lead to meeting Bob. He is not a book. Reality. There it was, Grace staring at me in the face resonating.

Sorry, there was no 'awakening'

No suffering

No thing wrong any more!

No Thoughts? bring em on. Randomly popping up and disappearing.

A certain sense of peace, cant put a finger on it.

Let's name it Grace. Let's name it hogwash. It does not matter as cannot say any thing happened. I can type bits and pieces and there is nothing or what some call joy.

Hoorah anyway. Bring it on, look at it, what is it really, life. That death thing mentioned well suppose you could say it was the death of the imaginary separate suffering person.

Or that's how the story goes. Very unentertaining. End of story. End of anyone awakening.

It has all been told before and the Tao that can be told is not the Tao full stop.

NDM: When you say "Sorry, there was no 'awakening' Do you mean this from an absolute level?

Berry Wild: I would absolutely laugh out loud anyone saying they are awakened at whatever 'level'. here there are no levels, no awakening for the imaginary separate entity. Simplicity being the root core of all this, seeing there is no one to be awakened. No one is enlightened no one is self realized as the one saying that is not.. Aha, I just noticed my daughter who when showed Q2 had her say! She is 17 perhaps she is the one to be interviewed :

Berry Wild: Rightio John. It is easy for me to type bits and pieces that don't resemble answers to interview type questions. This expression cannot come close to the actual livingness.

Now, on with the show. I am retired, supported in the shade of a rich husband ( a living Zen toy flyboy) and do nothing all day, so have plenty of time for practicing how to spell out and express the inexpressible. What grace is, fullness totally effortless and sense of ease. Overflowing love and wholeness. I am being lived. yippe ky yay!

Those big words that I look up in the dictionary 'empirical' and 'relative' and 'absolute' etc (Ha ha 'absolute' - the dictionary said it was an alcoholic beverage!) don't sit here. The word non duality? I keep forgetting whatever that means.

All I can simply say is Bob and Barb, yes he has a wife and not many ever mention that woman. The two of them, they took me in and nurtured me when I was a refugee in the country I was told I was born in. They didn't know me from a bar of soap, yet welcomed this stressed unhappy 'person', listened,massaged, warmed and harboured.. (of course Bob doesn't see the 'person' he sees the truth essence he is, and can get that across in an simple eloquent way thank goodness)

NDM: You say that there is no awakening. Then who was this apparent person named Berry Wild?

Berry Wild: Berry Wild is a silly name I use on the net. The name is not the thing. A label. My mother named me Mandy. It's obvious I am certainly not a name as they keep changing. Before landing on Bobs' doorstep I 'believed' what I had been told and conditioned over the years, that I was defect, ungrateful (especially having everything, heaps of money unconditionally loved and supportive family and so on)

Of course I was ignoring freedom happiness enlightenment wholeness. Not seeking anything, caught up in bewilderment. I felt lost when I knew my way. It is clear now, not intellectually, but within that frontier that had never been looked at.

Berry Wild: I may write the word Seeing, it is not eye sight it's movement of energetic insight when I use this word. Mystical vision, flashing lights? Cosmic energy? Been there done that had the experience and where is it right now, dead and gone, some past image I may recall and question if it ever really happened. No thing happened. Everything is happening in this awareness of presence, ever changing fresh new not a drop of any or all gone before it. By the word 'Presence' it's 'now' and Bobs' quote is a beauty "how can you ever get out of the now". John Wheeler may have said it's not even 'now'. (Met this quiet bloke at Bobs' and he writes as it is, a direct no nonsense fella)! Great.

Being, a word pointing to that natural self, the self that's not owned by a me, I or you, the universal self that everyone has direct every day ordinary awareness of that which can't be denied. It has been so all along always is and I say this from direct looking. So we may have not noticed this, busy noticing stuff out there. (Deadlines, bills, weddings, what to have for tea etc) and that doesn't matter as you already are that. Being or whatever word you use to describe, point or speak about that which resonates or something Bob couldn't of stopped shouting from the rooftops when he realized this freedom is what he always was, the is ness.Tallyho and thanks to the questioner disappearing.

NDM: Was John Wheeler helpful to you in any way?

NDN: What exactly did Sailor Bob say to you, to help you in understanding this?

Berry Wild: Sailor Bobs' kind comforting wake up calls, did not just pass on "the greatest help that can be given to anyone is to take them beyond the need for further help". It was his direct activity, a movement of energy. So familiar it is an immediate recognition, call it loving to be knowing I am. That vast expanse of space, sitting, hearing Bob, whether it was at a meeting, an interview, or standing at the railway station chatting about our clothes! A friend inviting you for breakfast, there, peace abides. As he speaks there is, standing in stillness wide open awareness shining.

Berry Wild: I have lost them somewhere between here and Hong Kong on various computers discs etc. He is not fussed about them on utube these get stale. Usually I can hunt for them when I live in Hong Kong as I have more facilities there.