Kundalini is the energy that powers our biological life.
It is the generator out of which the fires of life are stoked.
It is the sustainer and regulator of our life force and the
driving power that fuels our evolutionary, transformative
journey. The main goal of a fully risen Kundalini is to
Awaken us to a state of Higher Consciousness — Cosmic
Consciousness — and transform the old animal body into a
spiritual one. Kundalini power can change us quickly and
dramatically.
Kundalini power has nothing to do with religion. However,
It has been incorporated to become part and parcel of some
religions and cults.
Kundalini is a Sanskrit word that means coil; coiled like a
snake. It is also referred to as the Serpent Power
or the Serpent Fire. Throughout human history, Kundalini
has been represented by the symbols of the serpent, fire and the
snake. When the snake is shown as coiled it represents
Kundalini in Her dormant state. When it is shown coming
out of the crown on top of the head, it symbolizes the field of
energy of a risen Kundalini.
Kundalini power comes from below. She lies in the perineum
and is held stable and secure at the sacrum on the spinal
column. There She rests dormant until She is Awakened.
Once Awakened, She begins to move upwards along the spine.
As She ascends the spine, Her main targets are the seven psychic
‘centers’ that are situated along the spinal column.
However, She can diverge at any point and spread out into all
parts of the body. Her work is to cleanse and alter the
organs and all other systems that compose the body.
Her circuit begins in the area of the genitals and ends at the
crown of the head. When fully aroused, She will pierce
through the crown; the area often referred to as the
Sahasrara. There are also three main psychic nerves, known
as ‘nadis’. The main nadis, which follows the path
of the spinal cord, is called the Sushumna. This is the channel
through which Kundalini ascends and descends. There are
also two minor nadis. The one running up the left side of the
spinal column is called the Ida and considered to be the
feminine, cooling and intuitive energy. The one running up
the right side is called the Pingala and believed to be the
masculine, rational energy.
Like electricity, Kundalini energy is neutral; She does not
discriminate. She breaks down all the barriers within the
physical body and removes ‘knots’ that are blocking the major
centers or ‘chakras’. These centers are the main distributors of
Her energy. Through Her cleansing power, She begins to alter
these centers until they are fully opened and transformed.
The cleansing process begins at the base of the spine, which is
the lowest center; also called the Muladhara. From there,
She gradually works Her way up to the crown center at the top of
the head, known as the Sahasrara. It takes years or life
times for a center to be fully cleansed and opened. After
all the centers have been cleaned and transformed, they will be
connected and able to work together in a united harmony.
This is the first goal that needs to be accomplished in order to
continue the transformation of our current biological body.
The ultimate goal of Kundalini power is to transmute the
physical body of the old man. Out of the old body
She will forge a new body — one that will be formed and
sustained by the vibrations of a higher frequency level.
This new body will be the new form for a New Species — called
Cosmic Man. Cosmic Man belongs to the Transcendent Realm.
Cosmic Man’s Beingness is of a Higher Consciousness — Cosmic
Consciousness. Cosmic Man is in full contact with his Soul
and indirectly with THE DIVINE.
*********
In most people, Kundalini is by and large in a dormant state.
Very few are aware of Her existence and Her purpose.
However, there are times in peoples’ lives when She is aroused
for short moments to a small degree due to some enchanted moment
of pleasure. Most, who experience these unexpected
moments, simply refer to them as a ‘chill up my spine’. Who has
not felt, at one time or another, this cool tingling stream that
runs up the back of our spine and sometimes continues to move up
to the head; making our ‘hair stand on end’. This stream of
coolness is Kundalini on the move!
Kundalini can be aroused to action by something as simple as a
sunrise, listening to our favorite music, reading an
inspirational book or being absorbed in a joyful reverie.
She can also Awaken spontaneously during moments of crisis —
through receiving some kind of emotional or physical shock.
She may also become active during childbirth due to prolonged
pain and from repeated pressure being exerted on the area of the
perineum. Mind-altering drugs and prolonged periods of sexual
arousal can also Awaken Her. The main trigger for Her
arousal occurs when the lower self consciousness — the
personality and the ego — are relegated to the background of
awareness through the quieting of the mind.
Kundalini power can be roused to rise to higher levels and Her
stay on some levels can be prolonged. This is done through the
practice of various yogic disciplines and through intense
meditations. If someone, who may not be ready to receive
Her power, intentionally activates Her, it can be highly
dangerous. We must be advanced far enough on our
evolutionary path, so that our physical body has already begun
to adjust itself to higher vibrational levels. A receiver
must be physically healthy in order for the body to be able to
tolerate and sustain Her forceful energy. We must also be
mentally and emotionally stable enough to deal with whatever
results are brought about.
The power of Kundalini not only creates but can also destroy —
by burning out our entire biological system! The brain and
the nervous system of the old body bear the brunt of the
pressure exerted by Kundalini’s forceful energy.
Through Her cleansing, sensitivity is greatly increased.
The physical body, the emotions and the intellect become
sensitized to a degree, which is out of proportion with what is
normally bearable when we are within our normal lower self
surroundings. The lower self world has now become a
hazardous environment for our well-being. We must find a
way to readjust our self to our old world. This is one of
the most difficult adjustments to make!
At rare times, Kundalini can, without any warning, spontaneously
erupt in someone in all Her full-blown power. She will
have made a complete circuit, moving up from the genital area to
the top of the crown in the head. This spontaneous rising
appears to happen often to those who are not prepared or those
who have never even heard of Kundalini and even to those who are
not leading an aware spiritual life. Of course, they might
have been prepared for this moment through their previous life
times. Perhaps, this sudden, out-of-the-blue, spontaneous
rising is a final test — an assessment for those who are
presented with the opportunity to take this crucial defining
moment in their evolutionary journey!
If Kundalini rises and Awakens someone who has no knowledge of
Kundalini, then the receiver is in perilous danger!
It is dangerous even for those who have been preparing for this
moment. The impact of the experience is so overwhelming
and so astonishing that we will question our sanity.
We are left in a stunned state; we simply cannot comprehend what
has happened! Intuition tells us that it is best not to
mention this to anyone. And we are right — who would
believe such a far-fetched story!
In my case, it was the descent of Grace that was my salvation.
Grace channeled the Kundalini power upwards. At the same
‘instant’ when the Kundalini fire ascended and reached Its
highest point at the crown of the head — Grace descended.
And through this fusion, Self-Realization was triggered.
When the power of Kundalini pierced through the crown of my
head, I found myself behind a wall of flames — a barrier of red
fire! This barrier began to part swiftly and opened up in
front of me. I found myself flowing through the red fire,
which slowly faded to orange hues and then ‘opened up’ to a
white light. When I, who was only a pinpoint of
consciousness, crossed over into this white light —
Self-Realization occurred.
The descent of Grace is the saving moment for those who have a
spontaneous full-blown Kundalini rising. Without Grace
channeling the Kundalini power into the vastness of our
spiritual Beingness, the
Kundalini power would descend back down and be absorbed into
our lower self consciousness — where, through the ignorance of
the lower self values, She would be able to be misused for the
darkest worldly gains.
Why are some fortunate enough to have the benefit of Grace?
I can only surmise at this point, that Grace comes to assist
those whose time has come for this momentous and crucial
turning-point on their spiritual journey. This is a leap
of freedom — one that will take us out of the dark confines of
the ‘fishbowl’ of the lower self consciousness and establish our
roots within the consciousness of our Higher Self.
And this is accomplished through Self-Realization.
Help for obtaining deliverance from bondage to our lower self
consciousness only comes after we have surrendered our ego and
our self-will. We will feel humbled and become aware of our
smallness within the vastness of Existence only when we stand
alone in our nakedness and vulnerability. It is then, that Grace
comes — picks us up, dusts us off — and points us in the right
direction.
*********
Few, who have had a spontaneous rising of a full-blown
Kundalini, culminating in Self-Realization, reveal this to
anyone. However, we would like to share it with others —
in fact, we feel almost compelled to spread the good news about
the enlightening knowledge we received. This is especially
true while we are still in the first stages of exhilaration from
Self-Realization. Yet, we know that the experience would
sound too otherworldly to be believable. We know that our
account would most likely be taken as the ravings from a drug
induced, delusional episode.
Once the initial euphoria of Self-Realization has calmed down to
a level where better reason can prevail, we feel disinclined to
reveal such an intensely intimate experience. How could we
even find the right words — for explaining the unexplainable;
especially, when we our self don’t even understand the how, why
and the ‘now-what’ of the entire mystery, which has transpired.
There are some, who will eventually discuss their Kundalini
Awakening. But on the average it takes twenty, thirty or
more years before we feel ready to do so because much time is
needed to come to terms with the experience and reach an
understanding of what had happened and for what purpose. Most
have the need to discover whether or not they have a mission to
fulfill and if they have an obligation to share with others what
they have learned. If so, then through what medium is this
sharing to be accomplished?
Some will receive a ‘call’. A ‘call’ that is too strong to
ignore. It will drive them far from home — a home that has
now become an oppressive environment. They can no longer breathe
in the old world. It has suddenly shrunk to insignificance
and feels confining and suffocating. The attachments that
they have to others and which they lived for are now all
unraveling. Giving up all security and stability is a
price they are willing to pay in order to follow this siren
‘call’ that has evoked a powerful yearning to go out into the
freedom of the unknown, on a quest for knowledge and
understanding.
A few might retreat into a reclusive life. Some might
simply continue on in their old environment and circumstances
but search for a way of incorporating their new understanding
and their new value system into their old life, in a productive
way; not only for themselves but also for all of society.
Others might continue on as always, spending the rest of their
lives suppressing what they have experienced and learned.
Rejecting and trying to stifle their newfound consciousness will
split them in two. They will miss the opportunity to
integrate their lower self consciousness with their Higher
Consciousness. They will lose a precious opportunity.
Perhaps their time has not yet come but eventually it will.
*********
Kundalini has ignited to Her fullest potency. Her internal
fire is now burning — cleansing and transforming all the layers
of the deep-rooted cellular structure of our lower self.
But, She takes the route of least resistance. Therefore, She can
rise up as well as descend. If Her full power descends and
settles back down into our lower self consciousness, then Her
force will only reinforce our personality. Our ego will
now be in a position to seize all our new gotten powers for its
own desires.
The direction of the Kundalini fire depends on our level of
evolutionary consciousness. Her goal is not only to
transmute and strengthen our new form, which She is creating,
but also to search out all our emotional and intellectual
weaknesses. She will uncover them all; bringing them to
the surface for us to see. She will force us to come face
to face with the reality that is our self. We will never
be able to hide from our self again. From now on, we
will stand naked before our self.
All the hidden forces of our desires, impulses and our
suppressed denials will now come to the surface to be exposed
and laid bare to our awareness. Our mental control and
will-power will be greatly weakened and overridden by Her
dominance over all our actions. Without any comprehension
of what has happened to us, we would most likely find our self
incapacitated by uncertainty and fear.
A tremendous power is now racing through our body. It is a
power not under our control. We are completely at Her
mercy! We feel as if we have been taken over — and we
have! Kundalini energy is now charging throughout our
entire system, contacting and touching all the parts of
Beingness. Her fire and Her transformative intent will
spare nothing. All we can do is ‘hang-on’ until She
subsides back down to a level where we can regain a controllable
balance for our self.
Under the powerful influence of the Kundalini fire our body,
emotions and mind are functioning in a totality of disorder. Our
central nervous system has lost its equilibrium. All our senses
are heightened. All sounds, all colors, all movements and
any and all disharmonies lash jarringly out at us. Our
nervous system is assaulted from all sides by the normal
everyday sounds of society. I found that my system was
greatly soothed and calmed when I was within the surroundings of
Mother Nature and away from towns and people.
Our body and emotions are engulfed in the vortex of a high
voltage current. Our endocrine system is overly exerted and
excited — particularly the pituitary, our master gland.
Our system is being bombarded with excessive adrenaline and
flooded with hormones. We have little control over our
emotions. One minute they are up and the next minute they
are down. We are very aware of all our emotions — as they
happen. We have now acquired the ability to stand back and get
outside of our emotions and observe them. We know that we
are not our emotions. However, as long as we are in this
unbalanced state, we often don’t have the strength needed to be
an objective observer.
The sex center is now overly aroused and we might find our self
caught up in sexual fantasies; even to the point of trying to
make them actually come about. I sensed a distinct
division between the male and female aspect within myself, the
animus and the anima. It seemed the masculine part
of myself had come to the forefront and was now the dominating
force of the sexual center. I experienced the one-pointed,
aggressive rawness of male lust. That experience made me
realize how much self-discipline the male of our species must
learn in order to restrain his natural sex drive. This is even
more difficult when living in a society that promotes sex and
aggression at every turn!
I was shocked and awed by this powerful and all consuming drive
and how it could drown out all other considerations in its
pursuit for sexual conquest. It takes a strong willed
effort to bring the heightened urges of the sex center under
control. A strong willpower is exactly what we don’t have
at that time; but we must find it. If we don’t, we might
become a prime candidate for a mental and physical breakdown!
There is a good chance that we might embarrass our self to no
end through our run amok sexual escapades.
Kundalini will continue to manifest Itself in various ways
throughout our bodily structure. We might begin to
experience cold waves undulating through different parts of our
body. We might feel that we are freezing and that we are
unable to get warm, even though it’s in the heat of summer. We
might wake at night, thinking that our bed is shaking when it is
actually our body that is vibrating inwardly. This is
caused by a pulsating surge of power that comes in wave-like
movements, which travel up and down our spine. At times,
we can actually hear the loud humming sound produced by this
power’s vibrations. This humming sound is similar to the
sound produced by high-tension wires.
We might experience severe and persistent itching, mainly on the
scalp and the arms. This itching is a pulsating, crawling
sensation but is fixed in one place. It can almost drive
us mad because no amount of scratching can alleviate it. We
might feel chronic pains in certain areas of our body.
Some can go on for years; yet, physical check ups find no cause
for these pains. At times, our body might feel weightless.
There might be episodes when our body feels elongated and when
walking, we have a sense of floating and feel that our feet are
not even touching the ground.
There were times when I felt myself to be physically invincible.
I took several falls, which under normal circumstance would have
caused injuries. However, each time they occurred, it felt
like an invisible force cushioned me against an impact with the
ground. I had a sense of my body being supported and then
being gently eased down to the ground. I
always observed myself when falling and it always proceeded in
slow motion. At those times, I didn’t feel connected
to my body and watched from afar, as if I were a spectator.
The body will cry out for release through physical movement and
we will intuitively take up strenuous activities. I felt a
desire to go hiking, climbing hills and walking for ten or more
miles each day, without feeling in the least tired. This
hiking was normally done in the full heat of summer. This
need for movement was overpowering and occupied most of my
attention for the next three years. I only learned later,
that this excessive need for movement was a critical necessity
for discharging the excessive energy racing through my system.
Again, Intuition had served me well!
We might feel obsessively confined when indoors and feel that we
cannot breathe. We have a compelling need to be outside under
the open sky and be in touch with the sights and sounds of
Mother Nature’s tranquility. I had a craving to be out in
the sun. I couldn’t get enough sunlight nor enough heat.
My body kept thirsting for more. The body seemed to
receive nourishment from the sun. The heat did not sap my
strength, no matter how hot it was. It seemed to only give
me more energy.
The body began to crave more natural and simpler foods.
Eating meat became repulsive to my body. I was made a
vegetarian! It was not the mind but the body that rejected
meat, fish and fowl. The mind continued off and on, for
some years, to crave the old meat eating diet and at times I
gave in. But each time after eating meat, I would feel
repulsed and gradually my mind stopped craving it. The new, more
spiritualized body being forged requires a lighter diet.
It is only the old animal body that desires to eat other
animals.
*********
If we want to continue to move forward with our spiritual
transformation, we must now practice the redirecting of our
focus. We must choose to take only those decisions
that follow the path of the Higher Values and reject those that
reinforce the values of our old lower self. Each time we
choose to live by a Higher Value our lower self consciousness
will shrink and our Higher Self Consciousness will expand. The
increasing ability to stay for longer and longer periods within
the Higher Self Consciousness depends on the increase of our
Essence. Essence is the fundamental core of our
Immortal Beingness!
It is now imperative that we become an aware and vigilant
partner with the Kundalini process. There will be many
times when Her power will try to seduce us with temptations —
temptations, which will take us away from our goal of spiritual
growth. When a temptation is placed before us we must make a
conscious choice of whether to move forward into the realm of
Higher Values or give in to our ego; thereby, reinforcing the
values of our lower consciousness. As long as we remain under
the influence of our ego, it will fight us tooth-and-nail in
order to appropriate all temptations for its own purpose. This
is why it is so important that our willpower and our
determination to move forward into the spiritual kingdom remain
intact.
We might find our self suddenly in possession of occult powers,
also referred to as siddhis. We find that we can read
people’s minds or that we can see their auras. We know
what events are going to happen, before they do. We have
visions and prophetic dreams. We might acquire a mesmerizing and
appealing personal power that draws people to us. It is a
power that could also be used over others to influence and
control them.
No matter how fascinating these powers might be, they belong to
the lower self consciousness and should not be used. These
powers have no real use except for misuse; they have nothing to
do with spiritual growth. We must not get caught up in
them but pass them by. Many leaders of spiritual
organizations, in the East and the West, have been overcome and
corrupted by their personal powers. They became con
artists harming many trusting and sincere seekers in their lust
for control, sex and money and in their need to be worshiped.
Those who get trapped by these powers will eventually have to
reap a high spiritual price.
*********
I was blessed by the coming of Grace! The power of Grace
was my salvation! Grace descended in order to guide the
Kundalini power upwards into the Transcendent Sphere.
Grace descended at the same instant that the Kundalini energy
ascended and pierced through the crown of my head. When
this fusion happened, Grace used Her authority to direct the
Kundalini energy in the direction necessary for the activation
of Self-Realization. In this way, Grace brings about
Self-Realization for those Beings whose evolutionary turning
point is at-hand.
The purpose of Self-Realization is to realize who we really are
and to bring about a transformation of our consciousness.
It is an all-encompassing transformation of the physical core of
our Beingness — of the Awareness of ‘Self’! This is done
through the gradual elimination of our lower self consciousness
and promoting the growth of a Higher one. The resulting
fusion of consciousness evolves a third state of consciousness —
Cosmic Consciousness. It is a new state of Beingness for a
new species.
Once Self-Realization has been activated, the Kundalini energy
will again retreat downward. However, She does not retreat
back to Her sleeping state. She will remain at a level
where She can support the immediate aftereffects of all that
Self-Realization produces. In my case, it took
approximately three years for Her to subside to a point, where I
was once more in a balanced enough state to continue on with my
daily activities.
During those three years, the Kundalini energy intermittently
peaked, catapulting me into Higher-Realms-of-Realities. At
other times, She kept me functioning at an energy level, which
was well beyond what the normal person would have been able to
tolerate. I was filled with vitality and an exhilarating feeling
of ‘aliveness’ that few humans would believe possible.
Thankfully, I was levelheaded enough to keep a firm footing in
terra firma and not allow myself — in spite of my frequent
desire — to retreat into the seduction of the Mystic Sphere.
The ability to establish an Aware contact with our Higher Self
is a direct outcome of Self-Realization. And, if we
surrender totally to our Higher Self, we will always be Aware of
our Higher Self being at our side — as a constant companion and
guide. But, we must surrender totally! If we do not,
we will not be alert and able to hear our Higher Self’s voice or
feel Its presence. This voice comes in the form of
Intuition, which is the ‘language’ of the Higher Self.
Intuition arrives suddenly, in a flash, and then is gone just as
quickly. Our Higher Self will communicate to us all
we need to know. Our calls will always be answered and our
needs fulfilled. We will be guided and aided in how best to
respond to the effects of the Kundalini power.
The first answer I received was that the risen Kundalini power
and my Awakening to Self-Realization was benign and for my best
interest. I didn’t have a clue why all this was in
my best interest or where these events were taking me.
However, I knew beyond a doubt that I must surrender in complete
trust to Intuition in order to survive the Kundalini onslaught
and Self-Realization. It was my only guide and my only
deliverance from possible disaster and the only hope I had of
successfully dealing with Kundalini’s rampaging energy and with
all the changes and effects, yet to come. It was only years
later that I came to understand that my birth into
Self-Realization and the rising of Kundalini were two separate
powers, with two separate
objectives.
A fully risen Kundalini changes us quickly and dramatically.
She works on the transformation of our physical body. In
the beginning, we have no control over Her actions. We are
completely at the mercy of Her all powerful energy. All we can
do is ‘hang on’ until that energy subsides. When out in
public, I was always on edge when sudden, unpredictable body
movements placed me in some embarrassing situations. I
gradually learned how to gain control over these movements.
I found that if I held on to a solid object, like furniture or a
wall, then my body would stabilize and these movements would
end. Sometimes, this occurred during meditation. My body would
begin to float upwards but as soon as I placed my hands on the
floor and became ‘grounded’ my body would become ‘solid’ again.
There were times when my hands would suddenly begin to make
graceful movements as if in tune with some far-away music.
At other times, the Kundalini current would travel up into the
head and cause my ears to begin moving back and forth.
On various occasions, I would suddenly find myself being ‘taken
up’ and absorbed into Cosmic Consciousness. When that
occurred all desire for where I was going or what I was doing
would evaporate. I would then find myself with all my
thoughts stopped, being directed by the flow of the Cosmic
Consciousness. By the time we become aware of this sudden
shift of consciousness, we might already find our self in a
dangerous situation, especially if we are driving a car.
When the process of entering Cosmic Consciousness begins, a
disconnection with our physical body takes place. It
recedes into the background and is no longer in charge.
The body’s reflexes slow down to almost nothing and the body’s
survival mechanism withdraws. Slowly, as the process
deepens, we begin to lose awareness of our physical body.
*********
The Kundalini power significantly increases our creative
abilities. She will greatly expand our already existing
talents and skills, adding a new depth and originality to all
our works. Other artistic capabilities, of which we were
not aware, will be revealed. We are spontaneously taking up
painting, writing and other artistic pursuits. We are
amazed that without any formal training or even any former
interest in these arts, we now excel in them. This is because we
are Aware of and feel the Higher Guidance, which is inspiring
and aiding us in creating.
Our intelligence and ‘reasoning’ power has increased; a new
dimension has been added. Now, we have our footing within
two different consciousnesses. This provides us with an
all-encompassing overview, a broader sensitivity and depth and a
larger understanding of all situations. We have the ability to
‘stand back’ from any situation, even our own, allowing us to
remain an objective observer with our emotions and thoughts in
neutral. We are always able to see ‘both sides of the
coin’.
We might suddenly discover that we have acquired mesmerizing
oratory skills and find our self able to go before
large crowds without fear. The trust in our Higher Self
will provide us with all the right words for what we want and
need to say and allows us to speak effortlessly and with
confidence. People are very much drawn to us; they find us
charismatic and interesting. The opposite sex in
particular finds us attractive and exciting. All these new
found attributes of our persona do not feed our ego but leave us
feeling grateful and humbled.
*********
In our process of transformation the mind is the biggest hurdle
to overcome. Most of the changes we make, after our
Awakening, do not become stabilized and permanent immediately.
The Mind fights against most of the deep-seated changes that we
try to bring to fruition because most of these changes are
anti-mind. The Mind does not want to surrender and will fight to
retain Its domination over us. Most people are dominated
by their Mind. This must be reversed. We must bring
Mind under our control. In fact, we can even exist
without the Mind — the Mind is not who we are!
The Mind functions like a computer and knows only what others
and we feed into it. It can only function and communicate with
words and is the direct opposite of Intuition. The Mind is
a persistent chatter-box that likes excitement. It
constantly fills our head with all kinds of desires, fears,
what-ifs, fantasies and dramas; this is Its life-blood.
The Mind has Its life only within the lower self consciousness;
It cannot go beyond this border. It can accompany us part of the
way during our transition into the Higher Consciousness by way
of the lower self consciousness. But, once the Higher
Consciousness becomes the dominant force, the Mind will begin to
recede and eventually drop out. The Mind dies with the
physical body and the personality. The Mind does not have access
to the Transcendent Realms.
The Mind works to eliminate any peace and tranquility in our
life. It does not seek unity, serenity or harmony; It
rejects it. Sitting quietly and silently will prove this
to us. It cannot tolerate being
pushed into the background and will begin to assert Itself by
starting Its roof-brain chatter and taking control (over us)
again. The Mind likes to separate, dissect and break
everything down into minute units of specialization. It
compartmentalizes and keeps everything in a separate box.
The male Mind of our species is particularly good at doing this!
*********
My transformation still continues but it does so, for the most
part, in a gentler way. Often, I am aware of the Kundalini
energy at work as It moves from area to area. But, I have
become accustomed to these continuous alterations being made to
the body and no longer pay much attention to it.
I am now alerted, by an inner ‘knowing’, whenever a major
change in my biology is preparing for an important shift.
Usually, several months before this shift is ready to
materialize, I begin to feel a spot of ‘sensitivity’
within the heart center and sometimes in the solar plexus.
At times, I know Intuitively what that change pertains to and
will have already been reflecting on it for months before it
actually materializes. Most major physical shifts that
happen affect and transform our body as well as our emotional
and intellectual centers. These centers are also
influenced by biological changes. Sometimes, we can feel
an almost immediate impact within our emotional and intellectual
life. At others times, there can be quite a gap before the
change made becomes digested and integrated into the old way of
responding and thinking.
On several occasions, the choice was left up to me whether I
wanted to make a change or not. I was ‘asked’ if I was
willing to make a specific change, now, in order to move on to
the next phase of my spiritual growth. I had already known
for a while that it was time for me to let go of a specific
situation. However, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to or not as
I still had some qualms. So I just ignored the question
but several months later I was asked again. Even
though I was still in a dithering mode, I knew the time was ripe
and I said yes.
As soon as I consented, the alterations that occurred to my
psyche began to drastically change the course of my life —
immediately! It was truly astonishing to see my life
change so quickly in the direction of the choice made. The
changes, which our decision brings, come about without any
thoughts or efforts on our part. We have to do
nothing except make the decision. All the rest just
follows automatically.
This particular change had to do with leaving my ‘middle age’
behind and moving into the fringes of ‘old age’. This is
not a pleasant prospect when thinking about it. But as
always, once the thinking stops and the ‘let-go’ is
accomplished, all doubts evaporate. We discover that we
have gained freedom by letting go of all the baggage that comes
with middle age. And we discover that the new stage of
life we are now embarked on is a whole new adventure to be
looked forward to.
*********
There is another important fact involving the physical
transformation. A full Kundalini rising has some very unsettling
long-term effects on the body. Of course everyone is different
but I suspect that others also have experienced Kundalini
symptoms and have attributed them to normal type illnesses.
I had no idea that there was anything strange about my symptoms
and my illnesses. My doctors and I believed that all my
symptoms actually were due to some quite serious problems.
Though, with each ailment, the doctors always seemed a bit
puzzled. Something always seemed a bit off.
For instance, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I had
been experiencing and suffering all the symptoms for months.
The doctors, however, were puzzled because I did not have an
enlarged goiter nor did I have the bulging eyes; both are main
symptoms of hyperthyroidism. Yet, all my outward symptoms
and laboratory work showed beyond a doubt that I had
hyperthyroidism. I was in such a bad state that the doctors
wanted to operate immediately. They were afraid that my
heart would give out. I refused the operation.
I was put on medication and told that I would have to take it
for the rest of my life. I took the medication for
about six months. Then, one day, quite spontaneously, I
decided that I did not want to be on medication for the rest of
my life and threw the medicine in the wastebasket. For me
‘that was that’ and I never gave it another thought. All
symptoms of hyperthyroidism disappeared. It was gone!
I had several severe bouts of nervous hyperactivity. One such
episode sent me to the hospital for three days. I could
neither sleep nor sit still. My senses of hearing, sight,
and smell as well as my emotions were amplified to such an
extent that the outer world had turned into an
enemy-of-destruction. A flood of energy kept me on the
move. I spent most of those three days walking up and down
the corridors of the hospital. The doctors didn’t know
what to do with me. All the medications provided to calm
me down were ineffective. I really thought I would go mad if I
continued on in this way. Then — just as quickly as the
episode occurred it disappeared and never came back again.
There were several other diagnosed ‘illnesses’ that followed
the same pattern. With each illness there was something
‘off’. And in each case, the illness would simply
disappear after some time. I had other symptoms of
illnesses and decided not to consult a doctor even though some
of the symptoms could be quite worrisome. They all
eventually just disappeared. By now, I had also discovered
that it was dangerous for me to take medicines for illnesses
that just kept going away on their own. I decided it was
safer to just let them run their course. I instinctively
feared the doctors, their treatments and any eventual
medications more than any disease.
Many years after my Awakening, when I was able to put ‘two and
two’ together, I began to understand all these curious
‘illnesses’. After experiencing the many physical
transformative effects due to the Kundalini Awakening, I came to
the conclusion that all these earlier ‘sicknesses’ I experienced
were not really sicknesses themselves. What I experienced
was only their symptoms! This was akin to getting an
injection to prevent a disease and then coming down with a mild
case of it.
I concluded that these symptoms came to the surface due to the
power of the Kundalini cleansing process. She
cleaned; the body expelled the toxins and the ‘illness’ symptoms
were the result. Many of these symptom-illnesses had started and
continued over a period of fourteen years prior to the Awakening
of Kundalini! I assume that during this period Kundalini
was already actively engaged — rising and receding and working
on the transformation of my body.
I will relate an incident that occurred to me only a year ago.
I had laser surgery for a cataract removal in one of my eyes.
All went well with the surgery and the next morning I began my
post-operative treatment. I had to take several medicines
and four different eye drops on a rotating basis, throughout the
day. In the evening, I took a particular eye drop for the
first time. Within five or six seconds there began an
itching sensation in the palm of my hands. I knew this to
be a sign of a slight allergic reaction. I’ve had small
reactions to medications before, so I was not alarmed. I
laid down on the bed and within a few more seconds the soles of
my feet also started itching.
Now I began to take notice; this was not the norm. This
itching escalated with lightning speed. I jumped out of
bed trying to walk it off. Walking had usually stabilized
earlier allergic reactions. I walked over to the open
window to breathe some fresh air. Suddenly, a ‘lead ball’
of massive weight and with enormous speed began traveling up the
front of my chest. I remember thinking ‘I am in deep
trouble’! The ‘lead ball’ reached the area of my heart —
and that was the last I remembered. I had gone into a full
anaphylactic shock!
My next awareness came with me thinking, ‘Why is my room looking
so strange’? After a few seconds of puzzlement, I realized that
I was lying on my back on the floor and looking up at the
ceiling and my head was hurting. It then dawned on me,
that I must have become unconscious and fallen backwards onto
the floor. It took about ten minutes before I was able to
gather my thoughts enough to correctly dial one of my friends.
I remained disoriented for about forty-five minutes.
When my doctor was notified he was astounded that I had an
allergic reaction to these eye drops. He said that in more
than twenty-years, he had not known anyone to have an allergic
reaction to these drops. He insisted that I stay with my
friends overnight, in case I had more repercussions from the
reaction or from hitting my head. I felt fine the
next morning except for a slight feeling of weakness.
It took me a couple of weeks to recover my full strength.
Another consequence from the reaction was that my hair began
falling out in strands. It continued for about three
months and then gradually stopped. The hair eventually
grew back.
I found the whole incident extremely curious and interesting. No
more than fifteen or twenty seconds passed from the time when
the itching began to the time I lost consciousness. I had
felt no fear and neither did the body. Throughout the
incident, I was aware of my feelings and at the same time I
participated as an objective observer. That ‘lead ball’
puzzled me. What had it really been? It felt like it had
been the size of a marble; ‘an atomic ball’ — containing
the weight of the whole world. I first became aware of its
movement as it sped upwards from the area of my solar plexus.
After months of analyzing this incident, I came to the
conclusion that this atomic ball had been the life force —
Kundalini. The onset of the anaphylactic shock had
triggered Kundalini to rise. She had gathered together all
Her energy, which was dispersed throughout my body, and
coalesced It back into this atomic ball — which is Her condensed
structure. She was on Her way out of my body. If She
would have exited my body, my umbilical cord with the material
world would have snapped and my body would have ‘died’.
Her atomic structure would then have become my pathway — a dark
and speeding super-sonic tunnel — that carries our Beingness out
of this life. At the other end of the tunnel the Immortal
Light of my Soul would have been waiting. So, why did
Kundalini stop short of leaving my body? In other words,
why didn’t my body die? The body didn’t die because I only
had the symptoms of an anaphylactic shock! I wasn’t meant
to leave this world yet, or I surely would have. I feel
certain that this episode occurred so I could gain more
understanding of the workings of the Kundalini power.
*********
It took many years to reach a stable balance between the lower
self consciousness and the Higher Self Consciousness. To
reach that point, I had to climb to the heights of mountaintops.
Occasional falls occurred but with each fall and the ensuing
lessons learned, I became stronger. The same was the case
with my descents into the shadows of deep valleys.
Later, I came to understand, that these peaks and valleys are
essential for helping us to advance further. The extremes,
existing within me, became neutralized and balanced through
these ascents and descents. All the loose parts and
divided pieces of myself united together into solidity and
stability. Nothing is free on the spiritual path — all must be
earned through our own efforts!
A divine force shall flow through tissue and cell
And take the charge of breath and speech and act
And all the thoughts shall be a glow of suns
And every feeling a celestial thrill
The Spirit shall take up the human play
This earthly life become the life divine
Sri Aurobindo from his book Savitri